Life is a Special Occasion

As I looked through the pile of magazines, coupons and other stuff my mom sent home with me last night, I came across this little Hallmark datebook that read on the front: "Life is a Special Occasion."  Hmm.  I know they intended this clever little saying on this datebook to be for people who are like me...that love writing everything down, scheduling it all and having tons of fun events with family and friends to look forward to.  Normally I would have kept it and put it in my purse to keep up with everything.  Instead, the first thing I did was rip the front off and chuck it in the trash.  I cut out the cute little saying with its curly-q designs and sat it on my kitchen windown pane.  Indeed....life is a special occasion. But now, it's not because what I have to look forward to is something I'm excited about.  It's not the events in my future that are the special occasions.  It is the here and now that is special. It is life, whether I can see it or only feel it inside me. 

I had my first serious freak out time this weekend.  I had not felt the baby kick for over a day and half, and seeing as that's all I have to base anything on right now, I got incredibly worried. I called the doctor's office this morning and explained why I was so worried, and they told me to come in within the hour.  I am so thankful for such a caring staff. They were all so gracious and comforting.  Fortunately, the doctor was able to find a strong heartbeat right away.  So begins my dance of frequent calling and visiting the doctor for answers and reassurance.  We have our regularly scheduled 20 week ultrasound next Monday at 10am.  I hope you would join me in praying that he can determine the sex of the baby.  I can't even describe how desperately I want to know if this is a girl or boy.  I just feel like it would make our time with him/her so much easier to bond, easier to find the right name, and easier to communicate with him/her.  While we have looked at some great gender neutral names, I just think my sanity would be a bit better off if I knew for sure. I need to visualize his/her face. 

The doctor also seems to believe that because my Inhibin and HCG levels are so wildly elevated that there is most likely something else wrong with the baby that isn't evident from ultrasound.  He is going to research more on different trisomy and monosomy conditions that would include the absense of kidneys to see what we could be looking at.  In his words, "all bets are off" if there is another condition like that.  Typically babies with those type of conditions don't make it past 22 or 24 weeks, if I remember his words correctly.  But, we won't know any of that for sure until after delivery.

So, although our outlook isn't getting any brighter, we are still holding strong to the One who created this precious little one.  We are seeing His love evidenced through the massive outpouring of love, time, prayers, meals, phone calls, emails, etc. from our lovely friends and family.  We truly feel that we are not in this alone and are more grateful and blessed than words can describe.