After sitting yesterday under the cloud of sadness and grief, today is a new day. In my heart, yesterday was my day to mourn my loss. To remember Elijah's birth and passing, and give myself permission to to 'go there' again. To remember the physical pain, the emotions, the gigantic hole in my heart.
I wondered for this whole last year what February 28th would look like for us. I wanted it to be meaningful and celebratory while also recognizing the pain associated with not having our baby with us. So, we did flowers. We did balloons. We did dinner out. We did cake.
And my friend kept my kids so I could curl up all alone and be still. I looked at pictures and cried. And I thanked God over and over that He allowed me to carry our precious angel for 32 weeks and hold him on my arms for a few hours.
I cannot believe the changes that have occurred in our lives because of Elijah and the Lord's guiding and teaching and carrying us. It is beautiful.
So, yesterday was a day of emotions.
Today, however, is a new day. It's a day to celebrate. It's a day to let my kids be wild and carefree and enjoy every second. it's a day to get and give extra hugs and say extra prayers of thanks for the kids we have at home and the one(s) who will be added to our home soon. It's a day to celebrate with some of our closest friends and biggest supporters as we venture to an Ethiopian restaurant and have a fun night out.
We survived. And, we are better for it. Happy Birthday, sweet Elijah. Mommy and daddy love you more than you will ever know.
Awesome celebration of Elijah's life!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! I loved what you said yesterday, "This is not the worst of it, and we have survived the worst." You've made it through the first year, and you are all better for it. Still praying for you, but rejoicing with you in the mercies that are new every morning, especially this morning!
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