The Pinball

The ball in a pinball machine.

I think that best describes how I felt today. Being relentlessly bounced back and forth, rapidly, between people, 'important' household projects, daily duties, friends.  Not a single one of them is a bad thing, but in a whirlwind of my need for productivity and change, combined with a sick and needy little boy and a "starved-for-attention" 5 year old, it made for a hectic day. I allowed it to be a hectic day.

It's at the end of days like this, ones where I've been awake way too long, and yelled at all day by a two year old with budding independence and a horrible cold, that I sit back and truly believe that while I did get a ton of stuff accomplished, and that feels good, I actually failed.  I failed to get it right again...I said way too many times: "just a minute" to two beautiful children who just wanted one thing: me.  I had a husband with a free day off to spend with us, and I kept moving so much that I didn't enjoy our time together like I should have. I had a whole day to give myself, but instead, I did 'stuff.'  Stuff that truly needed to be done.  But didn't have to be done all in one day. 

I saw a glimpse of the old me today.  The one that had her priorities a bit mixed up. The one that was consumed with productivity. The one that was almost always grumpy with being overwhelmed by tasks.  I don't like that version of me.  And I'm glad that for the most part, she's gone. 

I began my day on the bandwagon...starting my calorie couting to initiate that nasty journey of losing weight again. Ugh.  I ended my day with my hand deep in the cheap plastic Halloween pumpkin filled with candy.  It was ugly. And, it really didn't make things better.

Although I flubbed up big time today with those I love the most, it is oddly nice to have that small smack in the face to wake me up and remember how crummy this feeling really is. I know all too well that life is too short to be so caught up in the things that don't really matter.  All that truly matters is God, and the precious people He places in our lives.  Lord, help me get it right tomorrow.  Help me to stop putting "things" above my babies.  Help me to stop and hear the giggles, play pretend, be the tickle monster, snuggle and love only the way a mommy and wife can. Help me to quit distracting myself in order to avoid pain. 

Goodness, am I thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and even on the days when I totally get it wrong, He never does.