Exceptionally Ordinary

The last week and a half or so have been, like the title states, exceptionally ordinary.  We are just plugging along like "normal" and enjoying our activities that have started back up after the holidays.  Laundry and recoup from the weekend on Mondays, Open Gym for the kiddos on Tuesdays, Bible Study (Beth Moore's "Daniel" study) on Wednesdays, MOPS on Thursdays, and a good dose of playdates in between.  The beauty of simple everyday life. This rhythm of the normal and expected is wonderful in keeping us grounded right now and able to move along with things with a semblance of normalcy.  While Elijah's condition and what the future holds are very consuming, I am finding great joy in having a period of time right now where I am able to focus better on Mags and Will...actually play games, have fun and be present with them.  I do "check out" a lot mentally, but I am thankful for this phase of having the energy and enthusiasm to be a more interactive mom.

Physically, I am doing pretty well. I have ballooned to massive proportions since Christmas, and while I love being pregnant, I find myself feeling more self-concious this time around about my ever-growing form.  As a friend said last night when I mentioned this, and she's right....."this time, it just represents something different."  There is beauty in the life growing there, but now that it's so obvious, the questions from strangers are inevitable, and I'd just as soon avoid them, but I can't.  I really don't mind talking about our situation, but I don't like having to explain it all to the well-meaning cashier or the sweet old lady at the store who just wanted to touch my belly and ask about how excited my two little ones are to be having a new sibling.  I usually feel worse for the other person as I watch their eyes avoid me as they quickly try to exit the situation...I'm sure it is super awkward for them, even though I wish it didn't have to be.

Some fun things we've been working on lately are to get the kids new beds and rearrange their rooms.  Mags has stepped up from her little toddler bed to a very high twin size trundle bed with butterfly bedding.  William went from the crib to a Lightning McQueen shaped toddler bed. He's so excited, he will go in and just pretend it's bedtime so he can lay in it.  He thinks it's the best thing in the world, and fortunately, he's doing great sleeping in it so far. :)  I've worked on a few cakes and made a tremendous amount of sweets for Kyle to take to work today.  For a long time, I hadn't found a lot of joy in being in the kitchen, even to bake, but this last week, it has become fun again. 

Speaking of cakes, for Maggie and William both, I made a cake for their actual birth day in the weeks before they arrived and froze it until we needed it.  I had cute little ceramic characters on top, which I now keep on my bathroom counter so I can see them everyday.  For a couple of weeks, I went back and forth on whether I would do a cake for Elijah, simply because my worse fear could be realized, and she may pass before she is born.  At first, that didn't sound like much to celebrate, but the more I thought on things, the more I realize that regardless of what situation we end up facing at the hospital, we WILL celebrate this amazing little life and how greatly it has impacted us and those around us.  We may not feel like eating cake on that day, but it will be there, and afterwards, the small angel topper that Maggie helped me pick out for Elijah will sit with Mag's baby bootie and William's elephant where I can see it everyday and be thankful.  So, last Thursday, I made the cake.  It is hanging out in a dear friend's freezer until we need it. Hopefully it will get to sit there a while.

On the same day I was working on the cake, one of our pastors called. She had offered to gather information for me from the funeral home about cost and things.  I was thankful for the information, and thankful that it didn't send me into an all-day-long emotional tailspin like opening the savings account did.  Since reality had smacked me in the face already that morning, I became curious about the cost of the cemetery services, plot, etc, but just couldn't make the call myself.  Thankfully I have a best friend who quickly and graciously steps up to the plate every time I need her.  She said she'd be glad to take care of it for me, so that afternoon, we chatted about the info she got, and while our kids were napping, she allowed me again to pour out my heart and fears and disbelief over the phone.  I can't say how thankful I am that she is here, among many other amazing friends, to help us through the tough stuff. :)

Thank you all for your continued prayers.  Specifically, something that has been weighing on my mind that you could join us in praying for are the decisions ahead about whether to induce or let my body just do it's thing and go into labor.  The doctor keeps reminding me that if it is super important to us to have time with Elijah, then we shouldn't wait too much longer to induce, and still we would just have to hope for the best.  I simply can't fathom looking at a calendar and choosing a day for this.  And, we have to figure out if it's the best option to make Elijah go through the stress of delivery, etc just to hopefully have that time.  These questions seem impossible to answer.  I'm sure that these things I dwell on right now will absolutely be worked out by God and the answers will become clear, or be made up for us, but it's hard for this momma not to mull over and pray over these scenarios a lot.  Thank you again for lifting us up, friends.