How things are going...

I don't even know where to start. Seems there's just not enough time for me to sit and write about everything that has happened in less than a weeks time.

First off, I just have to say thank you.  A huge huge gigantic THANK YOU to everyone. Everyone who has prayed. Everyone who has made a meal. Everyone who has hugged us. Everyone who has written, emailed, commented or sent cards. Everyone who sent flowers to the Celebration of Life Service or afterwards.  And, everyone who has donated money. We have been beyond overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support....no amount of thank yous or cards or desserts I bake will ever be enough to say thank you.  We have an amazing network of friends and family who have carried us through this trial, and are continuing to carry us.  There are many people who wish to remain anonymous that have contributed to Elijah's funeral expenses, and lifted a huge burden from our family. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Many people have sent money for The Elijah Fund, and I wanted to let you know what we plan to do with your generous donations.  Every year, we plan to use the money in his fund to contribute to another family who is/has suffered a great loss such as ours.  We want to keep Elijah's name alive, and helping others face this time of loss, like so many have helped us to do, is just one way that we want to be able to give back to other families, and show them, especially if they don't know the Lord, that there is hope, and people care for them.

A lot of people have asked me how I am feeling physically.  I am so blessed to say that I feel wonderful!  The last couple of months were very uncomfortable for me, and it is such a blessing that I can do normal activities, play with my kids, sleep and simply move without hurting.  After having the flu one day, and giving birth the next, it seems the only way to go is up, and I quickly bounced back!  I haven't even had to take any pain meds, and the dr. gave me no restrictions, so praise the Lord, I am in very good shape!  Kyle is also feeling much better, as is my mom, and mother-in-law, all of whom came down with the stomach flu also.  What a week. Seriously.

Emotionally, we are doing ok.  God has been so gracious to cover us with his presence and love, and truly, we have experienced the peace that passes all understanding.  It doesn't make sense, but there is such a joy. We don't have to worry anymore. We don't have to fear the unknown of when we would deliver, would Elijah have any time with us, what condition would he be in, would he suffer....we know now that he is whole! He is healed! And he is with his heavenly daddy.  We rejoice that our precious little man isn't hurting anymore, his bruises are gone and he is fully alive!  We were sitting and talking a couple of nights ago, and just marveled that although we know where this peace comes from, truly understanding how it covers us is beyond our comprehension.  Many many things have not gone our way in the past few months, and even days, but God is so faithful.  We can look at even the things that make us angry or sad and see God's handiwork in it.  His plan, while we don't see the whole picture now, is perfect, and one day, we will see all that He had/has in store for us, and we will be even more thankful that He had it all figured out.  We are privileged to be called to join Him for the ride.

While there are many good moments, and even the kids are doing so well, there are times that the darkness threatens to take over.  The first order of business we took care of last Thursday, was to go to the cemetery.  I was feeling amazingly ok that morning, but the second I set foot in the office and saw the tiny containers they had displayed for the caskets to go in, I got light headed and broke down, almost screaming "I can't do this!!"  After gaining my composure, my mom, Kyle and I were ushered into a room and discussed the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  That afternoon, we met two of our pastors at the funeral home, and discussed more details.  I cannot sing the praises enough of the funeral home staff.  They took a traumatic, terrifying, deeply sad time and made it manageable, and easier, and made us feel safe.  From beginning to end, we felt so taken care of by Mr. Storey and his staff.  What a wonderful and difficult ministry, but one he very graciously and beautifully handles.  He offered us the opportunity to do something that I never thought I would be able to do.  He asked if we wanted to come and dress Elijah for the funeral.  Friends, I thought I would pass out.  I never imagined having to do this.  I would have said no, but Kyle said yes. :) So, the next afternoon, we took care of our tiny, perfect little baby and put him in a beautiful outfit and blanket made by his Nana.  He was snuggled in perfectly in a baby blue sweater and booties made by April and a tiny white hat.  As hard as it was, it was healing. And, we were so thankful that we did it, especially when Saturday rolled around and we had to go through the visitation and Celebration of Life service.  Had we not had that time alone with him, it would have been so much harder. 

The day that we said goodbye to Elijah was a cold, windy day with flurries.  But, it was a day that was beautiful in its own way.  Our church did a remarkable job with everything.  Several of the pastors helped us to create a service that was so absolutely beautiful.  They were so loving and supportive and our head pastor delivered a perfect homily.  We just feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of our church...and we tell everyone we know that we fully believe our church is a wonderful example of how Christ intends the Church to be. 

April and her family gave us a shadow box for Christmas, to be able to display little momentos of our time with Elijah.  I was obsessed with getting it done quickly.  So, here are a couple of pics of it...sorry for the reflection.  I absolutely love how it turned out and I know that I will treasure it for the rest of my life.  We placed it on a small wall in the hallway between our kids' bedrooms. :)

Thank you all again for your continued prayers.  There is still a long road of healing ahead of us.  The waves of grief are strong, but the Hope we have is a breath of fresh air in the midst of it.

I leave you with one of my very favorite pictures from Elijah's birthday.