One Month

Has it really been one month since we said goodbye?  The time has flown by, and stood still at the same time.  But, we have survived.  We are stronger...well, most days.  We are blessed....everyday.  We are thankful....for all things.

I've had several wonderful friends remember the day today. They have prayed extra hard for us today, and I am grateful.  It has been a hard day, but for me, yesterday was harder. Wednesdays are always hard for me, but I was just really down yesterday.  The emotions were way out of whack and I felt zapped.  It was one of the few days where I truly felt like crawling under the covers all day and not coming out.  But, I got through it. Regardless of my emotion, I know that God has never left my side. I'm allowed to have down days, and He carries me gently through them.

I am so thankful to report that the kids are doing really well.  Maggie has proven to be a superstar.  She has been strong when even I couldn't be.  She has loved and nurtured us all.  She is nothing short of amazing. She is a true blessing.  My mom bought her a shadow box because she is so in love with mine.  She began gathering things tonight to put in it.  Such a sweetheart.  Tomorrow we will finish it up and she already knows right where she wants to hang it.  She is so proud of her little brother.  And, she is processing the loss of him well. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and is praying specifically for her.

I hesitate to put much stock in "signs from heaven" or little oddities that I could attribute to our situation, for fear of sounding like a crazy, but we did have a neat little thing happen today.  Backstory: Kyle's grandpa, who passed away right after we married, had a thing for Mallard ducks.  After his passing, Kyle claimed a few of the ducks to keep.  The day after losing Elijah, we went to order flowers for his service.  On the highest shelf of the florist shop, looking over us as we ordered, was the only Mallard duck figurine in the store.  Kyle bought it, thinking of Grandpa who was hopefully now rocking our sweet baby, and took it to the visitation.  Today, on the month anniversary of losing our Elijah, we looked out our front door and there, for the first time ever, was a Mallard duck standing in our front yard.  Call me crazy if you'd like, but I think that's neat. :)

So, tonight, while my sadness looms ever present, I will try my best to celebrate.  My Elijah is celebrating. He has been complete and whole and joyful for a month now.  Thanks be to God....He gives and He takes away.....blessed be His name.